The Bitches

Meet the Bitches

Hi, I’m Sophie. I consider myself a connoisseur of grocery store sushi and chapstick flavors. I’m a headstrong Facebook politician, though you would never catch me spitting facts on the street. Native Oklahoman, but looking to branch away from this by not holding the door for strangers and denying the nutritional value of buffalo meat. I like dogs and tight yoga pants, and I’m always down for a good post-workout vodka soda. I do some “activities” with my “degrees” that some people might consider “art” or “design,” but don’t ask me to make you  fucking Facebook banner. I’m also one of the hosts of the podcast “Vodka & Attention,” something I’m proud of but my dad isn’t.  Check us out on iTunes, Soundcloud, or on our website.

Hello everyone, I’m Paige. Outside of sharing things on the Internet that I wouldn’t want my mom to see, I spend a majority of my time preparing for life as a housewife. You can usually find me at Target, perfecting my vodka sodas (the secret is always more vodka than soda), pretending like I know what I’m doing at the gym, or analyzing episodes of Real Housewives. I enjoy photography but don’t classify myself as a photographer because everyone is a “photographer” nowadays. I’m also one of the hosts of the podcast “Vodka & Attention” that you can listen to on iTunes, Soundcloud, or on our website.

I’m Joey and I’m an entire year old, but the humans keep saying I’m seven? Anyway, I’m a recently neutered male seeking a platonic relationship with you. Or literally anyone, everyone, even. If it were possible to meet everyone, I would do it. Or like, if everyone brought me a stick. Or even half of everyone brought me a stick. Or if anyone brought me a stick and then threw it. Holy gosh that would be cool, I really like sticks, and balls, and panties. I don’t drink out of glass bowls, and I refuse to get in water ever, but I am very cute and I jump very high.